Burning mom guilt to the ground

This past Friday night, the universe handed me a rare gift: a surprise evening alone.

Armed with groceries for my pre-planned, healthy-enough, easy-to-cook dinner and fully braced to keep two tired little ninjas from destroying each other while I made it, my partner texted that he was taking our daughters out for dinner. And far enough away that it made zero sense for me to join them.

I looked at the broccoli. The broccoli looked at me. And I slowly put it back in the fridge.

Heaven.

Yes, I squeezed in a little extra work. (We can’t help ourselves, can we?!) Then I ordered my favorite takeout, queued up the trashiest TV I could find, and sank into the couch.

And right on schedule, about 20 minutes in, the guilt showed up.

"Shouldn't you be doing something productive?"
"Shouldn't you be missing them more?"
"Who do you think you are, eating noodles on the couch with no one asking you for anything?"

I told it to take a hike. (Actual words censored for the socials.)

Women, and especially Mothers, have been trained to treat joy like a debt. The second we feel pleasure, rest, or relaxation, guilt creeps in to collect. If we keep thinking that way, we're sunk (again: censored 😜).

So what if we just… enjoyed it?
Or even better, what if we burn the guilt to the ground? 🔥

Burn down the expectation that a good Mother never wants time to herself. Burn down the idea that a good scientist earns rest only after the grant is submitted, the paper is out, and the inbox is empty. (Spoiler: that day NEVER comes.)

Then build something better in its place. Because our daughters (and sons) are watching.

They're learning what a grown woman is allowed to want. I want mine to see a Mother who loves them fiercely, goes after big, meaningful work without shrinking, and can also enjoy a Friday night of takeout and terrible television without apologizing to anyone.

That's not selfish. That's self-trust (stay tuned for an upcoming free workshop on how to build it!).

To the Scientist Mother reading this: the next time joy shows up uninvited, let it stay. And when the guilt comes knocking? Hand it a match. 🔥